I see these stories...
...and I just want to share them with you.
Then I spend the rest of the day miserable.
Why are you still doing this?
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Monday, June 29, 2009
Days like this...
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I put my ring back on...
I took it off on April 1st. On June 4th, after we talked, I put it back on.
I got a letter from that woman. You should read it. She says she knows your wishes. She's wrong.
I gave you three chances to tell me you wanted this divorce. You wouldn't. You gave me your hand. Given more time you would have kissed me.
I remember a time, a doorway and a kiss in a moment when all hope seemed lost. I remember that and I will not give up.
You've created a whirlwind from which you think you can't escape. I wish I could help you with this, but only you can stand up to those around you and tell them what you really want. Don't be afraid of them. Don't let them put words into your mouth, or mine, for that matter. Remember the waves and don't give in to the fear.
On June 4th, I put my ring back on. That's how much I believe in us. That's how much I believe in you. That's how much faith I have in our love for one another.
We can still save this.
I love you.
Friday, June 12, 2009
4 months...
Yesterday was 4 months since you left.
Our talk last week was great. I want to do it again. And again.
Some thoughts on our communication situation:
- You can create a new free email account to send messages to me. That way you could still keep your new email secret.
- Dialing *67 and then my phone number will block the caller ID so I won't have your new number.
- Even if there were a TRO keeping you from contacting me (which there is NOT), I would never take any action if you did. I'm not in this to hurt you.
I love you.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thinking so hard about you...
And now the coyotes howl and the wind does blow
Seventeen miles down a dead end road
Broke down in the desert in the dead of the night
Holding out hope for that lone headlight
Got to get to her before she's gone again
Pushin through despair and shuttin out the din*
And I been long gone but I’m closing in
Been down for so long this time I’m bound to win
And a midnight moon lights my way
I been rollin since the break of day
And if giving every inch of your soul for love is wrong
Let the devil come and take me away
And if giving every inch of your soul for love is wrong
Let the devil come and take me away
Midnight Moon - Brother Joscephus and the Love Revival Revolution Orchestra
*modified for my own selfish purposes. Having actually met these guys and spoken to them, I think they would approve of my motives. Actual lyrics here. You can listen to the song from that site, too. Cool.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baby,
I saw this band at the Blue Nile at the beginning of May. I liked them so much I went to a shitty little bar in Mid-City to see them the very next night. I got to meet most of them and talk to them. It was great. They're from New York and we got along really well. I kept thinking how much you would like them, the people as well as the music.
I was extremely happy to talk to you yesterday. You looked wonderful and I just wanted to hold you and kiss you and let that convince you how much I want you to come home. You are an intelligent, gorgeous, charming woman who can do anything she wants in this world. These problems are such a small part of who we are and who we've been. I guess we let things get away from us. It was bound to happen. Marriages have problems. We never talked about the real problems. Instead we focused on the ones that were easy to talk about. We could argue about arguing, we could argue about money. We never talked about how bad a year we were having, about feeling isolated and alone. I ignored it for too long, hoping it would just go away. That was a mistake I intend to make up for if you'll let me.
We had five and a half really good years. Even with the hurricane. Even with all that other stuff. We hit a bump and it fucked everything up and neither one of us did enough to fix it but we still could. I want to get to number seven. I want to get to 10. I want to get to 25 and 35 and 50. I'm not going to pretend that we'll never be unhappy. I'm not going to promise that I'll never get angry. I'm not going to say that things won't be bad from time to time.
I can't promise that I'll never be afraid. I've only ever been afraid because I've had so much to lose.
I will promise that I will do my best to keep us from getting to this point ever again.
Even though you wouldn't say it, I know you still love me. You know how much I love you. I have tried to tell you why and maybe one day I'll have a satisfactory answer. For now it has to be enough that I am half a person without you. That has nothing to do with taking care of you or trying to rescue you. You bring me joy. You give me happiness. You make me feel safe enough to be silly and carefree. You do everything you can to touch my heart and that inspires me to try and do the same. I lost sight of that.
Just keep talking to me. Imagine how much progress we could have made by now if we had been talking for the last four months like we did yesterday.
Remember that there is nothing legal standing in the way of you contacting me. I don't care how mad everyone else gets and neither should you. This has nothing to do with them. No matter how much it might seem that everyone is tied up in this, the final decision is ours. Don't let anyone convince you to go against your heart. Not even me.
I wanted to hold you and kiss you and take you home and love you forever.
I was happy just to hold your hand, even for that brief moment.
I love you.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
You know what?
I'm not letting anyone scare me out of my constitutional rights. I am not now and haven't been doing anything wrong.
I'm going to start re-publishing everything, starting with the messages to my wife. This will probably wreak havoc on those of you who subscribe to the blog through a reader (both of you). I apologize for the inconvenience. There will be nothing new in there before today, so delete with impunity.
BTW, comments are open on this post. Just in case anyone has anything they've been dying to tell me. :)
Monday, May 18, 2009
This changes everything
I had to pull everything down because I knew she was coming after me.
Once you tell me it's ok, I'll put it all back up. You'll like it, I promise.
Thank you for what you did. When I realized that you had done that for me, the dying hope was revived. A little bit.
Whatever it is, I can make it up to you.
Whatever we need to do, I have no doubt we can.
Remember, you have nothing to stop you from calling me. Nothing to stop you from writing me. Nothing to stop you from finding me. And I'm not that hard to find.
I love you.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Three Months...
Only three more to go. Or is it four? Since I have been slowly dying for the last three, it would be nice to be certain when it will be that my heart finally bursts.
The days are flying by. Before you know it, it will be too late.
I love you.
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